Life has always been a road for me. Sometimes smooth, sometimes deeply rutted, sometimes I get stuck completely.
This is one of those times where I feel like I've just been sitting there, stuck in the middle of the road, not moving. And I, being me, just sit there muttering, 'Well, this sucks.' without bothering to figure out why.
A lot of soul searching ensued. And I found I was trying to just be alive, not live.
So, this is me, finding who I want to be, and what I want to do with the life that has been given me. (Yes, I just quoted Gandalf...)
My ultimate goal is to live out in the country, where there is not a neighbor to be seen. I want to live simply, making my own cheese, butter and icecream from a Jersey cow I have. I would like to learn to spin wool and dye it. I want a garden and to can my own vegetables. A woodstove, a large front porch and bonfires during the summer.
These are the things my heart longs for.
I had been trying to be this fashionable social butterfly. Somehow force an illusion that I was always put-togther, clean, and my hair was always just so. This isn't me. I am the girl that runs around barefoot whenever possible. My hair is almost always a mess and very rarely is anything done to it aside from washing. Sometimes I smell like goats or horses or grass. I usually don't put on makeup until right before my husband gets home. I chew my nails down to nothing. I rarely wear perfume or lotions. Sometimes I have dirt covering my hands because gloves are cumbersome. Fashion escapes me beyond wearing a top, jeans and an accessory. I find old ways to be amazing and inspiring.
This is me, and this is what I've come to accept. And I feel like I've come alive.
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